“I’m not in a good place right now. I should wait on that.”
“I’m too messed up to get involved with that.”
“I’m so broken, I don’t know how I can be of any help.”
I have uttered these phrases a few times. Have you? They are the excuses I use when people want me to get involved with something. I have some pretty overwhelming struggles in my life, and of course I need to focus on those instead of adding more to my plate. Its very logical. It makes sense. But is it right? Is it true?
What if my struggle focus approach to life is the very reason I am struggling so much? What if the best way to be apart of God’s advancing Kingdom story is to let go of our own story and focus on His? Are we ever going to come to a place where we are cleaned up enough to be of any use? Or will that just be self-righteousness that is actually no good to anyone? Does God really use broken people to help broken people?
I have a theory. My theory is that we are our main obstacle to our own growth. It isn’t our life circumstances. It isn’t the people that are around us. It isn’t our society or culture. It is ourselves. We refuse to admit that we are not good enough. We refuse to let go of our struggles and trust that God knows what He is doing. In in that refusal, as we try to get our stuff in order, we miss out on the bigger things that are going on around us, the things that will surely allow us to see and reflect on the goodness of God, and lead us into a deeper relationship with Him through our worship of Him.
Life is hard. The world is broken. We are broken. I am broken. It is good to get a grip on that brokenness, to be aware of it, to face it. But, that can’t be the end, that can’t be the goal. The goal is to bring glory to our creator, not to bring glory to ourselves by getting out of our own brokenness. We can’t. Only the Lord changes hearts.
What if the way to truly move forward out of our sin is to move forward with the Kingdom, move into those places that the Lord wants to redeem, our of our heads and into the trenches? It seems illogical to send wounded people in to aid others that are wounded. But that is still operating out of the assumption that we have not been healed. We still feel our brokenness, but Jesus has taken care of it. We need to try out our new hearts, filled with His love.