I like to do things.
I know people like to do things in general. I like to have something to do at all times. Nothing makes me feel out of control more than being in a situation where all is required of me is to wait, not do.
My sister had her baby this week (first time uncledom, and I am awesome at it already…the kid loves me). While we were in the waiting room, getting updates via text from my brother-in-law, we all felt so helpless. She was laboring away and the best way we could help in that was to wait in a room 5o yards away. At one point I went out and bough cigars and flowers, because I just needed to do something. I also ran errands for everyone in the waiting room (that included some In-N-Out milkshakes…delicious). Its hard for me to feel out of control.
At one point in the long, arduous process, I just had to let go of that desire and just be. I had to lean into the fact that God is good, He wants good things for us, and His plans are better than ours. Only when I started meditating on those things was I able to calm down, sit, and wait for Him to work it all out.
Now I know that everyone doesn’t struggle with the feeling of doing. I know some people need to be spurred to action more. But I need to learn how to rest in Him more, to let go of control, and learn that, as Dr. Larry Crabb says in his book, The Silence of Adam, there is always something to be even when there is nothing to do. So when control is out of reach (and even when it is seemingly attainable) I need to focus on the being the gospel and not doing it.