Pride. It is something we all deal with on some level. I feel like I have been tripping over mine a lot lately.
I don’t want that job. This is pride. Sure, I went to college, and my parents paid a nice fee for me to be considered educated by our societies standards, but in reality, a college degree doesn’t go as far as it used to. It doesn’t go as far as I was raised to believe it would. A lot of that has to do with the economy, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that more people are graduating college. A masters degree is the new bachelors degree. So the job market is tough. I find myself having a bad attitude about some of the jobs people suggest to me, as if I am overly educated, qualified, dignified for such work. Its pride. And I trip.
I don’t want that job. I want a “real” job. It is what I was raised to seek out after graduation. It is what I measure success by, it will make me feel like I am productive. But what would be so bad about a “fake” job anyway? Work is work. And I am not one with lofty career goals. I mean, I would like to work at a job I enjoy and make enough money to support a family someday. Sure, a “real” job may be a path to that, but its not the only path. Maybe I work at a coffee shop and open on for myself someday (thats a legitimate dream of mine). Maybe I just find a job to get by now, and get my counseling degree (I mean that is still a real possibility). I lack direction, so can I really be holding onto my pride too. I trip again.
Humility. I have come to recognize that the definition is simple, yet the hardest thing to achieve. I think the true definition of humility is knowing where you stand in position to God. He is in control, I am just a small character in His story of redemption of humanity and the world. What I want, or think I deserve, or my plans, they are insignificant when compared with the plans, desires, and will of God. How do I stop tripping over my pride? I have to get myself out of the way, realize I don’t know whats best, and my view of success is a sham if it is anything other than following Christ. Whatever my plans are, will lead to me falling flat on my face. I am not in control, I only trip myself up. If I let go, recognize that God is in control, only then can I really start to walk.