This last year I have felt pretty capricious with my future plans. I think I change what I want/am going to do/be every few months. It has probably been really hard for my family and friends to keep up, much less actually believe what I say.
When I tell people about my plans they usually fall into two camps. Camp one is always really encouraging and tells me to go for it. Now, whether or not they actually feel like I will, they never say, but they often say things like, “why not?” or “just try it, if you don’t like it, you can do something else.” They are people who believe life has to be taken by the horns, and leave-no-stone-unturned kind of people.
In the other camp are the skeptics. They tell me to be patient and see what the Lord has for me. They ask me all sorts of questions like whys and hows, which are important to hash out, but when the answers are all digested, they still look at me suspiciously, as if I am going to make a decision that will derail my life forever. Then they say things like “well if its what you want to do,” and “we will see”.
I need both kinds of people in my life.
The kind of people I don’t need are the people telling me that, if I don’t have direction or clarity of what God’s will in my life is, then I should be more patient. Now, I am all about patience, and I think that there are definitely situations where one needs to wait on God’s timing, but I would also say that we should not try to over-spiritualize every decision we make. What I mean by that is that I think the will of God has more day to day implications than they do in my broad life plan. If I am following Jesus in my attitude and my love for the people I am around, and my concern for things that concerned him, than the big decisions I make, like what occupation I should pursue, or where I should live, should not matter really at all, and so I should not feel so much pressure in making them. If I am trying to align my heart with God’s, then my heart will lead me where His heart is.
I feel like the wait and see people think that the will of God is a dart board, and if I miss the bulls eye I will have to settle for less points in the game of life. I just don’t believe that is true, and I refuse to live my life that way.
I can sit around and wait for some clarity that may never come, or I can get up and do something, anything and just find what fits. I have been waiting for clarity it feels like my whole college career. Since graduating in December, I have stayed in the town that I went to college in, working at a coffee shop, trying to figure out what is next. The longer I have been here, the more stagnant and bleak life feels. Don’t get me wrong, I love the people here, I like my job, and I enjoy life, but I feel I am at a stalemate. This is not what my life will look like forever, and I need to move on. I need to start walking. So maybe I have not felt any clear direction because, by golly, I am not walking anywhere. Besides, its not where I end up thats important, its who I am (my character) and what kingdom I am building (God’s or the worlds).
If anything the clarity I do have is “not here”. As in not in this town that has been good to me, where I have built good friendships, but that I have felt myself ready to vacate for the last several months. So I will leave, not to throw my darts but to start a new page of my journey, one that I already know will end in redemption and celebration.
Donald Miller’s blog post is much more eloquent at articulating some of my views on life. I promise I was already thinking these things before I read this blog and that I am not one of those people who just takes someone else’s thoughts as my own. Its a good read though, I would recommend checking it out.